I was in the middle of collecting my heaven points the other night when a lady called into whatever program I was watching to tell the host how much she admired Dick Cheney. I looked up from my computer. Wait, what? Is this a prank call? But no, the caller went on to say that Dick has “stuck to his guns” and she loves how he “is who he is”. This lady, who clearly shouldn’t have TV privileges in the nuthouse, likes that Dick refuses to change his rhetoric regardless of current events.

I shouldn’t be surprised though because I’ve heard a few other stupid people express a similar opinion lately. And again, feel free to replace “stupid” with “ignorant”. I can think of a few other words, but this site is for the children, so I try to keep it as clean as possible.  Anyway, so after my head exploded, I started wondering what might be wrong with this caller. What exactly is there to admire about someone who continues to say, believe, and do the same thing when they are proven wrong every single time, about almost everything?

Just as an example, does anyone believe I would be rewarded or admired at work if I “stuck to my guns”, but was consistently proven to be an idiot? Wouldn’t you start thinking I didn’t know what I was doing? Wouldn’t you’d start to believe that I wasn’t the right guy for the job?

I’m often more interested in discussing theory than I am in the actual execution of ideas, but that won’t get you anywhere. And it’s difficult to get paid for that. But don’t confuse discussing theory with sitting around and talking about what ‘the plan’ is. I’m not interested in that. I’ve had good project vision in the past, but that doesn’t mean I like to get around a table and talk about it excessively. I prefer to start working.

I love a good label as much as the next guy, which is why I feel I should tell you that since I’ve started reading Managing Humans, I’ve realized that I’m somewhat of a Completionist. And that seems to be both good and bad, like everything else.  I like to shape what I’m doing to fit my pre-existing methods, and I have a very specific way of doing things.  I attempt to achieve consistency in process because I believe that innovation, within a certain set of limitations, is best served by this type of foundation.  But, I also think that the opposite may be true and that I’m ensuring mediocrity.

I’ve known plenty of Incrementalists. It is easiest to navigate my working life by recognizing the skills others have that I do not. We try to achieve some sort of collaboration that brings out the best in all parties. I know lots of smart people that I’m really impressed with, but I never forget that we’ve come to our positions and developed our skills along very different paths. And these differences explain the type of questions we ask, what we believe, and where we draw boundaries regarding our work.

Bill Gates said in an interview once that  one of the first things he learned in college was that there were a lot of people smarter than he was.  I think most of us come to appreciate different people and what they know because we realize early on just how much we don’t know.  There are people out there that know how to do all sorts of things, and most of those things have value that we don’t really understand. This thought routinely occurs to me while watching Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel.

I read an article last week in the New York Times that reported 1 in 5 Americans believe that the sun revolves around the Earth. Hmm…I thought, who are these people? Bush voters? Kentuckians?  But no, they’re probably just regular people. You might even know a few of them.  They probably don’t especially stand out in day to day life. As crazy as it might sound, they may just not know anything about the solar system, or the Earth, or how it all works. Yes, it’s common knowledge to most of us. But common knowledge can be difficult to define.

It’s easy to categorize people based on your interactions with them (and I do), but most of the time people appear foolish simply due to a lack of information.  This lack of information is typically compounded by the belief that it doesn’t exist.  People often say that they don’t like a certain politician, or they believe a certain thing, but when questioned about it, they can’t give any reasons for thinking the way they do. I suspect that they’ve been led to believe they’re supposed to think a certain way, and so they do, but they don’t really know why. Plenty of people take the attitude that they know all they need to know already, and so they shut down. That kind of thinking leads people to believe the sun revolves around the Earth.

I spend a lot of time thinking about user interfaces, and how people use tools, and the ways that applications and processes can be enhanced to make a more pleasing (and efficient) user experience. I’m actually paid to do that, although there are others with similar jobs who are paid to do that as well, but don’t really do it. I blame the schools that teach people how to code but in a “slap some textboxes on the page” kind of way. I mean seriously, if I look at your stylesheet, and it says “default application stylesheet” or some crap like that, then I’m guessing (GUESSING) that you’ve shortchanged your users.

Oh blah, blah. I’m off topic. The point is that Google recently moved the links that went to other areas of their site from just above the main textbox to waaaaay up at the top of the page.  And although you may not value extra mouse movement like I do, it’s now a royal pain in the ass to switch to image search, groups, etc.  And while I realize that they made this change in order to move the front page into alignment with the moon and stars other areas of the site, I don’t think it was necessary.

You can click over to Google on your own, but here it is anyway.

Blank space. Shame. Please switch back. And also, PLEASE put some padding between the bottom of that textbox and the buttons. White space people.

I mentioned I’m not perfect, right?

I’m a bit more introspective in my old age. Oh sure, I THOUGHT I was introspective when I was younger, but that was just ignorance. Sweet, sweet ignorance. Looking back, I find that I held on to some things for too long, and maybe others for not nearly long enough. About ten years ago I almost did a number of stupid things over what has proven to be the worst relationship in my adult life. The fact that I thought it was a good relationship at the time is proof that I was an idiot. And of course that is just one example, but I have news for you smart kids out there. You don’t know shit about life. Sorry. My feelings about the Boomers aside, it’s fair for them to say that I don’t know shit either. Because I don’t. It’s a waste really. We gather all of this wonderful knowledge and then one day, WHAM…dead. It’s like that time Lex Luthor started building a frontier house and then Dirty Harry came along and shot him because deserve ain’t got nothing to do with it. Yes, it is exactly like that.

As a people, I think we look the same now as we did ten years ago, but with more gadgets. I’m watching TV from 1995 almost every day and the clothes are the same. The people talk the same. Watching TV from 1985 back in 1995 was like watching the documentary footage of a whacked out culture on some strange planet. Like Kentucky, but further away.

I finished 2nd grade and was promoted to the 3rd when the 80’s reached a midpoint. Trucker hats and knee high socks. A lemonade stand with two customers.

Mother’s Day was this past weekend. We took my Mom out for lunch. Her name is Virginia. She probably thinks that most of these entries are proof that I am crazy. But that’s okay, because she never told me how to think. She just told me to think. And to apply myself. And I’m still working on that. My children will never know my father. And that’s sad. But they will know my mother. And if I am still here when she is gone, I will show my grandchildren her photo and say to them, “This was my mother. We didn’t always agree. She was the strongest person I’ve known in my life. She saved our family when my father died. I never deserved her, but I loved her.”

I tend to sleep about as much as a medical intern. I have a compulsive need to “do stuff”. I’d mow the grass in the middle of the night if I didn’t think it would be frowned upon by the normal folk in the neighborhood.  So instead, I spend a lot of time working and reading. And not writing on this site consistently because sometimes the work percentage increases and I choose to spend any extra time on input rather than on the spread of disinformation.

Onward to the point, someone asked me the other day about where I read something or other, and although I couldn’t remember, I know there are plenty of sites that I read daily that aren’t listed on the sidebar. And so I’ve listed a few here that could get you started on the path to madness. It’s a pretty random assortment of sites, and while you may not consider any particular one to be a great resource, they contain a wealth of varied information. If you’re an Interweb addict like me, you’ve been to most of these (some are incredibly popular), but for the large pool of regular people that I know read this site, have a look.

• Austinist – Guess what this one is about
• Leonard Pitts Jr. – Leonard Pitts Jr. is my personal hero.
• The News Hole
• goldenfiddle – Too much to do here. Must stop clicking…
• Daring Fireball
• Crooks and Liars
• Digg – I’m embarrassed to put this here, but I know somebody on Planet Earth still hasn’t heard about Digg. Probably only my grandma, but still.
• Engadget
• Uncrate – I want this stuff. All of it.
• Pink Dome
• Lifehacker – See comments on Digg.
• McSweeney’s
• Talking Points Memo
• The Dilbert Blog – This guy’s blog is even funnier than his comic. I’m jealous.
• The Morning News
• Texas Observer Blog – The greatest blog logo in the history of blog logos.
• The Consumerist
• Whitesoap
• Kevin Kelly – Click on everything on this site.
• Coding Horror
• Alpha Blog
• AlterNet
• AnandTech
• Page 2

Using a theme hack, I’ve tried a number of user authored styles over the years, but most of those felt poorly put together or were just plain ugly. The first viable option I encountered was when Microsoft released another official theme called Royale/Energy Blue. Royale was different from Luna in a number of ways, but most importantly in that it employed a subtle metallic blue instead of the bright (hated) blue in Luna. But that didn’t quite work for me either because the one thing I liked about Luna was the beige object color that Royale replaced with a dull grey. So I alternated between the two styles, never really pleased with either.

That is until I started playing around with a resource hacker and created my own hybrid theme that I’ve deemed RoyaLuna. So yeah, I’m not going to win any awards for naming things, but my parents named me Greg, so it’s obviously hereditary.

RoyaLuna is a pretty simple style. I’ve basically taken Luna and replaced the horrible blue with the Royale blue. This change includes the taskbar, system tray, start menu, title bars, scroll bars, and a few other objects. But in a very nice way. And with the Luna beige.

And so, to make a long story only a bit longer, I’m offering up this theme for anyone else that might like working in a normal XP environment, sans the horrible Luna blue. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Follow these 3 steps to use RoyaLuna on your machine:

1. First, download, extract, and run the UX Theme Multi-Patcher. Accept the prompts, and DO NOT let the system revert back to the files that you are replacing. Reboot.
2. After that is complete, download and extract the theme file and save it to: C:\WINDOWS\Resources\Themes
3. Double-click the file you just put in your Themes directory to bring up Display Properties and select RoyaLuna.

And that’s it. This process won’t alter any of your normal themes or prevent you from going back to them if you don’t like RoyaLuna. For the image inclined, this is how my desktop looks using the RoyaLuna theme.

To make things go smoother while following the instructions above, listen to this song and pretend to be a badass.

Peace & Love.

- Sen. Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y.

That said, I was pleased to see that the Dixie Chicks won several categories they were nominated in. It was a great night for the girls. And after a rough couple of years and the large scale fan backlash of late, it was surely a welcome “in your face” to the haters who promptly turned their televisions off. I particularly enjoyed the cut away shot of Reba McEntire after the trio won their first award. The same Reba McEntire who made an unfunny joke at a country awards show last year that drew loud applause from the largely conservative crowd. The wife summed it up best last night when noting, “I haven’t cared for Reba since that comment”. Me either. And not because I’m unable to separate my political views from how I feel about an artist, but because her mean spirited “joke” tried to make it appear that the ‘Chicks has said something wrong, and that they had to find a way live it down.

People who attempt to frame a situation within their own narrow terms aren’t really doing anything new. Politicians make a career out of it. Bill O’Reilly has made a fortune from it. But I don’t think it fools people like it once may have. The Dixie Chicks turned their defiance into an album and song that won multiple awards last night. And they’ve tried to shift away from a music genre that hasn’t come to terms with the breaking news that the ability to sing a country song does not determine your political ideology.

And for that matter, they aren’t lesser Texans for not being fans of the president. Just like other Americans turning against this administration are no less patriots. We have different opinions, and you may not like how we express ourselves, but we’re all around you. Burn our books, trash our music, make fun of us for not liking that our state is represented by a man we loathe. But we’re still here. Mad as hell.

In no particular order…

• The visitors who did not find their way to this site by typing in the address were most often directed here after searching Google (and others) for: ‘sweet pickles books’ (and variations), ‘spaceballs the sequel’, ‘gay adoption negative’, ‘Galveston Island’, and ‘Second Negative’. A number of people searched for ‘Greg Hanover’, but those are probably people I know, so they don’t count. The Sweet Pickles entry that I wrote a couple of years ago remains the most visited and commented page on this site. The search engine traffic has created a mini Sweet Pickles message board. And for the record, I wrote in support of gay adoption back in 2004, so I’m guessing people searching for ‘gay adoption negative’ aren’t finding that entry very helpful.
• The majority of people who left this site by clicking an external link were going to the photo site. Most of the rest were going to a Noteworthy link. The political links are the most popular, which is odd because that isn’t typically the case with the political entries.
• I’ve written a lot about television/entertainment and have received a lot of referral traffic from TelevisionWithoutPity. Trench over at 7MilesDown sent the most people my way from a standard link (rather than from a comment I left somewhere). And Google directed the most visitors to all areas of the site. Google Image Search sent people here regularly for a picture of Skeletor that I used in this entry.
• The most visited posts of 2006 were Two Horns and a Tail, and A Word About Beer.
• I wouldn’t classify anything I’ve written as a ‘favorite’, but I do like what I wrote a few days after I asked Nicole to marry me. I’ve also enjoyed the feedback over the last year, and laughed for a long time at Stefan’s comment on kids from back in January. Hilarious. It’s also nice to hear from old timers like Jeff (lurker!) who pop back in every few months or so. One day I’ll write about Where the Red Fern Grows and how it can make a grown man cry, and Jeff will know what I mean.
• The browser of choice for visitors to this website is still all versions of IE at a rate of 51%. That is dissapointing, but Firefox comes in second at 38%.  Safari (Mac) clocks in at 5%, and a long list of others come in under 1%.
• The resolution used by 46% of Second Negative visitors was 1024×768.  Some 9% of visitors are still using 800×600 and 17% are using 1280×1024.  I’m using 1920×1200, but only 1% of visitors do the same.

And that’s it. Thanks to everyone who stopped by to help to make this site everything it was in 2006. And thanks to spell check, IBC Root Beer, and The Hanover Band for helping me to put out a third straight year of total nonsense. See you on the other side.

Oh, but why the change?? Calm down you rabid fan base! I was mostly looking to elevate the level of fug around here, but I was also tired of looking at the brown/beige. That “design” wasn’t really intended to last longer than a few months and I wanted to move the bacon over, because it was time for something leaner. Mmm…fake pig. I also brought back a modified version of the logo, and went nuts with the Silk icons.

The body text is set in Lucida Grande, but you may see Arial if you don’t have that font installed. I’m not sure about the percentages on that for Windows users, but it’s a great font, and comes standard on the Mac. Fascinating sidenote: I type all of these entries up in Courier New. I don’t know why. The site should look like this to most visitors. IE6 users may see some overflow in the comments section, and I’m working on that, but it’s your fault, and you know why.

If anyone has upgraded to Shaun Inman’s full version Mint update and wants to send me their thoughts, I would appreciate it.

Until then, that’s all folks. Oink.

1. Friday Night Lights – I can’t really tell you how good this show is, but even if I did, you probably wouldn’t watch it. Besides me and a few people in Florida, nobody else has bothered. Maybe you don’t like football. Great! It’s not really about football. It’s about the pressure to succeed, struggles in life, etc. It’s very powerful, but it doesn’t matter because you aren’t going to watch it. Please watch it.
2. Scrubs – This is the funniest show you’re not watching, unless you sampled it and thought it wasn’t funny. Then you’re just stupid missing out. You probably also rent movies like “John Tucker Must Die”, but I’m just guessing.
3. 30 Rock – Some shows are only for a niche audience. Like “The Office” which I don’t like. Sorry. But this niche show has Alec Baldwin. Alec “Sorry, I smelled crazy in here and thought it was you” Baldwin. Seriously, rent Glengarry Glen Ross. Alec Baldwin is a badass. Always be closing. I’m talking to you Jack Lemmon. Also, rest in peace. Baldwin is funny as hell in this show. Watch it a few times just for him. Stay for everyone else. Especially the guy with the trucker hat(s).
4. Ugly Betty – Nicole is going to say it’s not fair that I included this show since I’ve only seen it a few times and I made fun of it at first. But that’s how I find everything. Before I watched Scrubs (back in the dark ages) I refused to even watch an episode. Why? Because like Imus, I was doing a lot of vodka and cocaine back then. Just kidding Mom. About the vodka. Sadly, I also waited until season 3 to start watching The X-Files because I was convinced it was about “a bunch of stupid alien crap”. This from the guy who later named Buffy the best show of all time. Me.  Meanwhile, Ugly Betty is funny and well written. And that Betty is pretty adorable. Yeah, I said it. If I wasn’t hooked on Smallville like a nympho on rhymes with Dick Cheney, I’d watch Betty live.  Until then, that stupid DVR had better start working. Oh how I despise you SuddenLink.

So that’s it.  But before I go, let me share a little ‘behind the scenes’ information on how this site is run.  I’ve typed this entry extremely fast because I didn’t space my NoDoz far enough apart. I’ll need to wrap it up now because my heart may explode soon. Watch these shows. Let me know what you’re watching. I can squeeze it in. I’m on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. You’ll get used to it.

To be completely fair, I’ve never hated Bush. I just think that he’s been a terrible president. Which incidentally is the same thing I thought before the last election, when plenty of the recent turncoat right-wingers came out of the closet to pronounce him the second coming of Reagan, as if that was any sort of compliment.

Reading the editorial pages has become comical over the past year as conservative readers write in to express dismay at the direction Bush has taken the country. Well hallelujah and welcome to the real world people. Let me make room for you on the bandwagon. Lunch will be served in an hour. It’s crow, but there’s plenty to go around.

The story of this administration’s incompetence isn’t news to at least 48% of us. We’ve known for years. We watched one foul up after another while you were out with your friends at the “Global Warming is a Myth” rally sponsored by Exxon.

As if that wasn’t enough, I discovered over the Christmas holiday that someone I know is now sporting a huge Buck Fush sticker on their automobile. Now, this person has never been a Republican, but they’ve never exactly been political either. And thinking about it, they tend to see things in black and white, don’t really read, and often mangle the English language in new and scary ways. They’re against Bush? They ARE Bush. Talk about reaching out to your base.

Sadly, even after the wake-up call provided by the Democrats landslide victory in the mid-term elections, Bush takes one step forward and two steps back. There isn’t an easy way out for him at this point because his legacy will be based on Iraq. Remember that disaster? The one this administration said we were winning right up until the recent confirmation hearings when Dr. Gates was asked if he believed we were winning the war in Iraq. His reply? “No sir.”

Of course, I’m not really celebrating over here just because I knew something the other side didn’t. I know plenty of things they don’t know. And we’ll probably be dead before they find out. But someone is going to have to clean up this mess.  And although I don’t know who that will be, the t-shirts tell me it takes a Clinton to clean up after a Bush.

“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.” – Dave Barry

In a few months I will be thirty years old. Looking back, I don’t recall any specific comprehension of the age I am now. I am different, but the same. I believe in people. I appreciate others more now than before. I miss old friends that I’ve lost contact with over the years. I regret some decisions that I’ve made.  I am fiercely proud of others. I’ve never been motivated by money. I have more than some, less than others. I often look slightly disheveled, a bit haggard. It’s a by-product of my sleepless lifestyle. As I’ve grown older I’ve traded Grisham and Clancy for Sagan, Dawkins and others that cause me to propose long winded hypothetical questions to Nicole.  She pretends I’m not insane. I wish they all could be California girls. I’m not religious. I think organized religion is part of the problem. But I believe there is more than this life, more than we could ever comprehend. I’ve grown more cynical with age, but maybe more loving and understanding. The most important people in my life have all been women. I owe them everything.

Next Saturday I’m going to marry the sweetest girl you could ever know. True story.

I had intended to take the site down for a few days while serving up that wonderfully descriptive 403 page, but a few days turned into a few weeks. If you’re one of the people who checked in every day hoping I had written something new, I apologize for the long delay. I appreciate your interest and thank you for your continued patronage of this website. Give me a hug.

The current site is a complete rebuild from the ground up. There are certain elements that are similar to the old design (which you can still view from the About page), but I rewrote, re-edited, and basically cleaned up everything that had come before. I wrote a bunch of conditional PHP to make certain parts of this site as dynamic as I’d always wanted them to be. And I attempted to simplify and streamline the CSS, which had become somewhat of a functional mess. Rest assured, it is still far from perfect, but I’m satisfied enough to launch this rebuild.

If your monitor is calibrated correctly and we have somewhat similar color vision, you should see a beige/tan content area and a brown sidebar. If the brown is indistinguishable from the background, your monitor may not be bright enough. I had that problem myself until a few months ago. I’d constantly read about some mystery guy in the background of photos that I could never see. A new monitor fixed the problem and changed my life. Yes it’s true. I can see people in photos now. And I’ve come to realize that there are SHADES of black. Gasp!

This color scheme was partially inspired by our wedding colors.  Hopefully I’ll get around to posting one of our invitations in the next few days, and you’ll see what I mean. Nicole can’t spot the difference between #333 and #666 (smirk) but she has a great eye for color.

I removed the old logo and tried to improve the site in ways that focused on greater access to content. It is simpler in some ways, and more complex in others. I hope you enjoy the new look. It will undoubtedly change over the new few weeks as I tweak compulsively.  As always, thanks for reading.

But for whatever reason, instead of thinking much about my former debate coach and her unfairly prepared kid, the first thing that popped into my head was the image of a friend of mine putting her oldest kid’s head in a urinal and flushing it repeatedly. Ah, good times. But wait, I’m going to get serious here in a minute. Why? Because as I sat with hand upon chin wistfully staring at the ceiling, I remembered something really strange. This teacher (who I liked then, and appreciate even more now) had a picture of her husband and kids on her desk that we would sometimes use to express ourselves artistically. Specifically, we would use a dry erase marker to draw horns and a tail on her husband. Because it was funny. Still is.  And because this teacher was usually fun and easy going and we might have done something like that to anyone foolish enough to put out a personal photo.

Upon discovering our “artwork” this teacher made a comment about how we were terrible, but otherwise didn’t really seem upset. She was certainly not as upset as this one crazy old teacher at my school who had a bad case of shell shock that kicked into overdrive anytime he witnessed a particularly gruesome MURDER BY WATER GUN.

I wouldn’t have given the situation much more thought, but the next day the teacher showed up at school with a big stack of reports that detailed how Middle Eastern immigrants (like her husband) had a higher income and contributed more to society, etc. than the average person born in the United States. Now clearly a nice set of statistics makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over, but all of this from a set of horns and a tail? I mean it’s not like he was Irish and we drew a bottle of beer and made him look drunk. Is there some devil stereotype that I’m unaware of? Because if there is, it should really be used on the Dutch. Those bastards.

But first, have a look.

I understood the meaning to be that all of this bad stuff happens to black people just because they are black, and they can’t do anything about it, but as soon as they want help getting into a better school (maybe uh…to help break the cycle of poverty), you’ve got whitey out there complaining that they want a handout just because they’re black. Yes, how ironical.

I didn’t give it much more thought than that until the next week when a black woman (photo included) wrote to the newspaper upset about the cartoon. The letter byline read “Offended by bias, attitude displayed in comic”. She described the cartoon as racist and complained about the insensitivity of the white sign holder.

I was pretty shocked by this development. Even more shocked after I asked the future wife for her interpretation of the comic and she had the same view as the letter writer. How could I be so wrong? Wrong? Me? Seriously?

The thing is though, I don’t think I was wrong. I’ve viewed a few weeks worth of Mike Thompson’s work and I’m convinced that he’s of the leftward persuasion. That alone may not mean anything, but combined with the visual clues, like the man’s sign, and his exaggerated clothes and hat lead me to believe that the cartoonist intended to make a point about the blinders some people wear when they view the world.

And of course, right in line with my “everybody my age is an idiot” paradigm, the offense is exacerbated when the tie wearing is perpetrated by a guy in his 20’s. It’s only going to get worse next year because I’m going to stop trusting people in their 30’s while simultaneously starting to despise people in their 20’s.

I suppose suits are intended to symbolize success or professionalism, or some other nonsense. But, really? I mean, so you put on an ugly double breasted suit and shazaam, you’re somebody to reckon with? I don’t think so. In fact, I think most people in suits look like they’re selling something. How can we really get down to business with that suit between us? I’m sitting here wearing my jeans and polo shirt and you’re rattling off some bullshit nobody ever really believes anyway.

My theory is that only old people are impressed by suits. And by old people, I mean my parents, and your parents. And their parents. Would you think more or less of Bush if he always came out in jeans? It doesn’t make a difference to me. Maybe you don’t want the important types dressing like homeless people (or looking like they attend the local university), but the suit and tie seems a little dated. I say bring on the denim and loose morals.

Back to the beer, I’m a big fan of Shiner Bock. I can’t recall when I started drinking it, but I’m sure that it wasn’t until I was of legal drinking age. Because underage drinking is wrong. Uh, wink. Shiner Bock is sort of an amber color with a slight reddish quality. It’s not exactly light colored, and even though it is sometimes classified as dark, I’d hardly call it that. I had a couple of pints at my grandpa’s birthday dinner a few weeks ago, and some members of my family acted like I was drinking coffee. The funny thing is that we each thing the other is the freak. And by “freak”, I mean “idiot”.

Like most things in life, you can split good beer and bad beer into different categories based on expectations. If you want to see a thought provoking film with great dialogue, I wouldn’t recommend Armageddon. Quality isn’t for everybody. It doesn’t mean that I’m better than you (yes it does), only that we like different things. You like Miller Lite, and I’ve decided that piss isn’t a beverage. I find that Shiner has a kind of a wheat taste, but I’m not really good at explaining why I like things. I’m much better at complaining, making fun of stuff, and casting random aspersions. Cast, cast, cast.

If you can’t tell the difference between quality and crap (in any medium) then you aren’t paying attention. Scrubs isn’t equal to According to Jim (although I enjoy both). If you tell me that you don’t think movies are supposed to make you think, then be prepared to not hear me telling Nicole that I think you’re an imbecile about three seconds after I get in the car. I’m thinking about boycotting George Clooney’s movies because he’s the newest Budweiser voice-over guy. Mass produced American beers are popular because of marketing and price (although the price isn’t that much lower). I’m not surprised. The same country voted for George W. Bush. Twice! That’s one helluva marketing job considering the quality of the product.

Most of the album links on Second Negative have been updated and a redirect is in place to send search engine visitors to the new site. I’ve moved the photo albums over to my main website so that I will be able to share photos with friends and family without necessarily subjecting them to something I’m writing (or not writing) on this site.

Visit the new photo site if you have a minute, browse around, and leave us a comment.

In all the seasons I’ve watched the show, I can’t say that I’ve ever really had a favorite to win it all. I’ve liked some of the singers better than others, but I didn’t exactly rush out to buy their debut albums. But then came this year, and Taylor Hicks. I’m pretty sure at this point that you either love him or you just don’t get it, because I haven’t encountered a lot of middle ground. I wasn’t sure what I thought about him for a while but put me down as a member of his oft mentioned Soul Patrol. Has anyone ever had more fun on stage than Taylor Hicks? This guy knows what it means to put on a performance and that’s a special quality. I find myself smiling when he’s singing.  I want him to do well.

Although it’s down to the final two this week, and he’s more than likely to win, some people are wondering if he’ll be able to sell albums. Will the stage show transfer?  He has certainly proven that he can stand there and sing and sing very well, when he chooses to do so. This grey haired young old man Taylor Hicks, who grew up loving Ray Charles and Otis Redding beat the odds to even get on the show.

These days it’s difficult to do anything without hearing something about blogs or blogging. Television shows in particular have jumped on the bandwagon. Characters talk about their blogs on the show and writers create fake blogs to provide background information. TV Guide recently converted almost all of their online content into mini blogs. Strangely, I’ve heard a number of people on TV refer to their blog entries as “blogs”. As in, have you been reading my blogs? Which is complete shit, because the blog is the website. What you write is an entry or a post. But I’m not making the rules here. I’m just laughing at you.

MySpace seems to be the flavor of the month. I don’t know much about it, but it appears to be a blog hybrid kind of thing. And that’s great because it really just depends on what you’re looking for. And everybody is looking for something different, whether it’s a place to write, or a community, or something to tinker with.

It’s interesting that even though most of us are busier than ever, we keep squeezing more stuff in, whether it’s blogging or something else. There are so many different ways to gather new information that we are constantly learning, and on a higher level of complexity than ever before. It’s all part of the never-ending race to stay one step ahead of your average five year old.

The strange thing is that even though Tom Cruise has pushed my weird-shit-o-meter into the red zone, I’m thinking I might go see Mission Impossible 3. I can’t help it. I’m an action movie fan. It looks entertaining. And really, with J.J. Abrams of Lost and Alias fame at the helm, what did you expect? That it would suck? That the plot would be centered around an evil psychiatrist who travels the world kidnapping new mothers and forcing them to take anti-depressants? Oooh, scary.

Maybe it’s not so hard to separate an actor’s public persona from their movie roles. I watched part of Top Gun the other day (which is way gayer than Brokeback Mountain) and almost forgot that Tom Cruise is a couch jumping maniac. Did I say brainwasher of former teen soap stars? Well that too. But it is possible to set that aside for a few hours. I can watch an old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie without thinking about how his latest acting job as governor of Calee-fornia is his worst yet. And I can enjoy a movie with Sean Penn (like Mystic River) even though I know he’s a humorless jackass in real life. So it’s only fair that I set aside the fact that Tom Cruise is nuckin futs long enough to enjoy watching an all star cast blow stuff up.

Right?

Is the wing supposed to move like that? Because I took a TWA flight back in 2001, and I could swear the wing was ready to come off. That was the last time I was on a plane. I know. But, it’s true. I don’t go anywhere I can’t drive. Arizona you say? No problem. California, Utah, whatever. I could probably fly to Hong Kong and back a few dozen times for a comparable amount of money, considering the price of petro.

The upcoming honeymoon is probably going to involve a plane. And if it doesn’t, then our honeymoon probably sucked. Yeah. The future wife thinks I should just take some kind of pill to knock me out, or hit the booze. But that doesn’t help because I’m mostly afraid of the crashing, not the flying. And I’m not aware of a pill that will stop that from happening.

“To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there… you’re the least excited person at the party. You don’t even really realize that there is a party. You don’t know what’s goin’ on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can’t do it… you don’t even know why you’re doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It’s also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they’re not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring ‘em in, they sit ‘em down, and they tell you – ‘these are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.” – Jerry Seinfeld

Looking back on my life before I met Nicole, I’m not proud to say that I messed up most of the relationships I was involved in. I was an angry person for a long time, and I didn’t really know how to share my life with someone, and I didn’t know what it meant to be the kind of man that a woman could trust and respect.

We all change as the years pass, and I’ve grown older and hopefully a bit wiser. But mostly, I’m better because of Nicole. She is the sweetest person I’ve ever known, and I’m the best version of myself when I’m with her.

Here is to the next five years and beyond. It’s going to be a great life. Je t’aime ma chérie.

I’m sure that your opinion is probably shaped by your overall view of the police, so I’ll admit that my view is pretty negative. I don’t think that police officers need to repeatedly punch a handcuffed suspect that weighs 70 pounds less than they do in order to gain control of a situation. I think that the real problem is that police work tends to attract bullies and those who were bullied, and that results in this kind of police brutality.

Personally, I don’t care for the attitude exhibited by most of the cops I’ve had to deal with. I’m also offended by the notion that some Roscoe who barely passed high school Government thinks he can give me a lecture about the law. Yeah, I was speeding. Who gives a shit where I’m going? Just give me the ticket.

I’ve talked to at least one person who believes that if you evade arrest, the cops can do whatever they want. Really? That seems fair to you? I steal some Peeps from the mini-mart and take off on my scooter, and it’s open season on me?

I don’t care what this guy did. Yes, it was bad, and he should be punished. But he should be dealt with within the legal system, not by a couple of cops who are pissed off that they had to chase him around when they could have been out there writing me a speeding ticket.