A little bit pregnant and completely dead
I’m not really a stickler for grammar, but certain mistakes bother me. Outside of those, I don’t really pay attention, because honestly, there are too many rules, and I can’t be bothered with learning how to communicate properly. Besides that, good grammar and usage takes all the fun out of writing.
You say I’m not supposed to use contractions? No way. What is this formal language you speak of? Some sentences just do not sound right without contractions. Like that one. Sentence fragments be damned!
I’ve read that you should only use non-standard English when you intend to, rather than because you don’t know any better. So, if you find anything on this site that looks incorrect, I did it on purpose. Got it? This site ain’t no lesson in English no ways. But on the other hand, I do know how to pronounce “nuclear”.
Sites like this scare me. It looks like it might take some work to remember all of that. Shudder. But listen, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself from idiots like me thinking you are an even bigger idiot.
- You can’t overly exaggerate. You can’t over exaggerate either. Dictionary.com defines exaggerate as “to represent as greater than is actually the case”. You can’t overly do that. Nobody says “that guy really exaggerated those exaggerations”.
- Along and a long do not mean the same thing. You may have walked along the path, but you did not wait along time to eat dinner. No sir.
- There, their, and they’re are all different words. You may like how one sounds, but try to mix them up (that’s sarcasm people). Read this short explanation and then go unto the world and spread the gospel.
- Your is the possessive form of “you”. You’re is a contraction for “you are”. Example: I had sex in your bathroom, and you’re upset about it.
- Affect and effect are probably the most commonly confused words on the web. Affect means to influence or change something, as in “The tsunami affected many people”. Effect can either mean a result, as in “The drug has side effects”, or to make something happen as in “The new policy effected positive changes”.
There are too many others to mention. No/Know, Its/It’s, Do/Did/Done (a special section for the Steelers) and more. There are even a couple that I’m probably using incorrectly on this site because all of my education has come from public schools.
The good news is there may be hope because “to boldly go” should really be “to go boldly”. But I don’t remember Bones ever saying “Dammit Jim, our friggin’ motto is a split infinitive”, so I’m guessing grammar is going to be phased out in the future. I’ll just sit back and wait.
