Where the Wild Things Are
As scary as it might sound to some of you, I’m probably going to have kids one day. The strange thing is that no matter how old I get, I don’t feel like I’m old enough to have kids. I work with several people my age who already have children, but they seem better prepared for some reason. Maybe I’m too lazy and selfish. Maybe I’m not ready to have my kid throw up and then tell me he got it in his nose. Maybe I’m better off with cats. Can you teach a kid to lick himself clean?
Fathers on television often have trouble accepting that their sons are going to turn out differently than they had expected. Hank on King of the Hill goes on about how Bobby “ain’t right”, especially when he embraces his feminine side, and Dan on Roseanne struggled to understand why he had more in common with his daughter Darlene than his son D.J. But to be fair, D.J. was one strange little Eddie Munster looking kid.
Does everyone have unrealistic expectations for their children? If I have a son, will he like football? If he doesn’t, will that bother me? What if he doesn’t like to read? What if he does poorly in school? What if he likes Chevy instead of Ford? What if we don’t have anything in common? Will I try to shape his political beliefs? Shouldn’t I? Who will argue with the Junior Republican my sister is going to raise? Will either of them even care?
It’s easy to say that I’ll support him in anything he does, but isn’t that just lip service? I mean, will I really support him in ANYTHING he does? Will I become an overbearing Little League dad? Probably not.
Will I give my kid too much stuff and turn him into a jackass that everybody secretly hates? If so, he’ll probably go to the university in Austin.
Will I be better able to talk to him about the important stuff than the clueless Boomers were? Aren’t we the casual generation? The Gen Y kids are certainly the hobo generation, but gigantic baggy pants won’t be as useful to the next generation as readily available, honest advice.
Will it be hard when he grows up and leaves? Will I be able to help him get started in life because I know all the things that can go wrong? Or will I have forgotten by then?
Will I just be satisfied if he’s healthy and happy? I hope so.
