The Way You Talk
I’m considering asking my local congressman to sponsor a bill that makes losing your accent on purpose a crime against nature. Although it’ll mean several “country” singers that expanded into adult contemporary will have to be put away, it’s for the best. If everybody sounded like a reporter on the nightly news, what kind of world would that be? Probably a little like Ohio. Of course, I’m just guessing, because I’ve never been to Ohio.
I’ve lived my entire life in Texas, but have only managed to pick up a slight twang, and maybe a couple of mispronunciations that I may, or may not be aware of. Others who’ve lived in the same area may sound like they came out of a bad movie about Texas. And speaking of that, John Travolta owes the state an apology for his work in Urban Cowboy. Oh, the horror. Also, why do British actors think that the one American accent they can pull off is the Southern? I can’t even think of an American actor that can pull it off without sounding like someone doing a bad impersonation of a Southern accent. That means you Robert De Niro.
After taking this test a few weeks ago, I can report that I speak 75% General American English, 20% Dixie, 5% Yankee, 0% Midwestern, and 0% Upper Midwestern. I’d be interested to find out how I managed that 5% Yankee. Not a proud moment for my family. I’m sorry Mom, I tried. Maybe I didn’t apply myself. The relatively low Dixie percentage is due to years of hard work. It’s not easy to start calling it an “arm” when you’ve been saying “orm” your whole life.
I’ve always been partial to Texas Women, but I’ve spent a couple of years living in sin with a Southern Californian who thinks “crayon” is supposed to sound like “crown”. And what she thinks taco is supposed to sound like isn’t a word in my language. I’m proud to report that while I haven’t picked up any of her bad habits, she has incorporated “ya’ll” and “fixing to” into her daily speech. Score two for the heathens! Hollywood ain’t never gonna take her back. Yee-haw.
