Text Included in Outgoing Messages

Friday, February 11th, 2005
Filed Under: Working/ 2 Comments

It may be time to recognize that the email signature craze has gone too far. Do I really need that much information about you? It isn’t a book flap, you know. Thanks for letting me know the pipes are busted in the 4th floor restroom, but I won’t need your fax number.

And how about the people that end their messages with “Thanks, Name” and then their signature follows immediately afterwards, and ALSO includes their name. I need to see your name twice? What?

On a regular basis, I receive emails with signatures that look like this:

Gregory Kyle Hanover I., CDC, EMP, H2O, KMA
Sonofa National Conglomerates Group Inc.
Director, Management Strategies (Main Branch-Building II-Phase I)
362140 West Highway 234-B Loop
Beverly Hills, California 90210-1461
Phone: (310) 555-1212 (extension 666)
Fax: (310) 555-1213
ghanover@bev.hills.cali.manastrat.com

It’s everything but your date of birth, and the side of the bed you sleep on. If you read this and realize that your signature is also half a page long, please delete it. You are killing us all. Nobody is ever going to use all of that information. Nobody cares what your title is. Okay, maybe somebody does. But, your email address? You just sent me an email. I’m reading it right now. Did I already forget your address? I can’t see it in the header? Huh?

And what is with listing every certification or award that you’ve received since the 3rd grade? Who doesn’t have a certification in something these days? Should I include the one I received for listening skills? It’s kind of a grey area. Unless I’m dying, and you’re an M.D., I don’t care about the letters after your name. But you obviously feel very important, and that’s what it’s all about, right? Telling me how important you are. Why not just strap on a gigantic keychain with 300 keys? That’ll do the trick. Drive over here and wave them in my face. But God help you if you’re wearing your cell phone clipped to your belt.