Second Negative

Jesus loves you!

We saw Saved! at the theater last week, and I couldn’t recommend it more. Haven’t we all been waiting for a satire about religious fundamentalism posing as a teen comedy? How often do you encounter a character like Pastor Skip who works the crowd by asking, “Who is down with G-O-D? Jesus is in the house!” Or Tia, who consoles Mary after her boyfriend “turns” gay with the choice line, “Sorry about Dean’s faggotry.”

The movie takes place in and around The American Eagle Christian High School. Mandy Moore plays Hillary Faye, head cheerleader for Christ. She spends most of the movie telling other people that they are going to hell (in so many words), and screaming “Jesus Loves You!” from every makeshift pulpit she can find. Know anybody like that? Jena Malone is Mary, who gives up her virginity to Dean in hopes of curing his recently admitted gayness. Dean is sent away to Mercy House for degayification. I’m not kidding. There are other characters, some more insane than others, but all with killer dialogue. I particularly enjoyed Macaulay Culkin as Hillary’s wheelchair bound brother, who has a thing for bad girls, and isn’t even Christian. But he does a wicked cha-cha.

I’ll be honest with you, my sister probably would have walked out. Stormed out more likely. Surely there were those in the crowd who missed the trailer, and came expecting a respectful comedy about religion. This is not that movie. If you consider yourself “born again”, skip it and go to the early voting center to cast your ballot for Shrub. If you happen to believe in a higher power, but have long questioned the hypocrisy of most religions, then go see the movie. You’ll love it. And also, call me. I’m forming a club.