Second Negative

MTV nation

Do you ever feel so embarrassed for a person on television that you almost need to cover your face in shame?

I made a sincere effort last night to watch the MTV Movie Awards, but it’s obvious that any clue I ever had has vanished during the latter part of my 27 years on Earth. I felt especially bad for Andy Richter. Poor bastard. With the right material Andy can be one seriously funny guy. But reduced to a badly written role as Lindsay Lohan’s (her again!) overprotective father? I’d expect it from the SNL throw away playing his wife, but Andy Richter? Please beg Conan for a job.

Speaking of our girl Lindsay, when did she become Britney Spears? If the atrocious dialogue of the opening wasn’t enough to send you back to the NBA Finals, then how about when she ripped off her badly fitting white suit to reveal what looked like a velvet hoochie outfit. A few gold chains would have completed the look. It got worse when she started to “dance”. Her on stage seizure makes Britney look like Fred Astaire.

While I’m at it, who the hell are the Yeah Yeah’s? Or is it Yeah Yeah Yeah’s? And D12? Well, I confess, I knew who they were, but only because I read the last issue of Rolling Stone. When exactly are you too damn old to be a rapper? Can anybody see a 60 year old rapper jumping around? I don’t want to. And I like some of Eminem’s music and thought he was great in 8 Mile, but when does it just become sad for a 31 year old man to moon the crowd?

How about Tom Cruise? This guy is an absolute joke. I’m sorry Tom Cruise lovers. I’ve enjoyed plenty of his movies too, but why is he trying so damn hard to be hip? This is the same guy who sends an army of lawyers to sue anybody who says the word “gay” around him, right? Oh I’m sorry, he’s very laid back and cool. Who could imagine him making outrageous fun of Lord of the Rings like Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller? Never mind that the whole bit sucked.

In other news, I’d better go to church this weekend. Detroit has reaffirmed my belief in God.