Second Negative

Corporal punishment

I come from a long line of believers. My father spanked, as did my mother, as did their parents. As far as I can tell, the trend will continue with my brother, and does now with my sister. I approach this topic with a clarity only enhanced by this experience.

There will be those that argue the points I present here by claiming, “I was spanked and I turned out okay”. I’ve always loved that argument. In the days that I used to hear it regularly, I thought of it as the “I rule”. If I went through something, and I turned out okay, then I must be the norm. Right? Of course. Pay no attention to studies, surveys, reports, etc. It doesn’t matter that the American Academy of Pediatrics opposes corporal punishment. Who cares about that stuff? I am okay. That’s all that matters.

Countless studies have shown that spanking leads to a drastic increase in hostility, aggression, and overall misbehavior. It teaches the lesson that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems. It is often done out of frustration or rage, and it fails to teach children alternative forms of behavior. What lesson do you hope to impart? “I hurt you because I don’t want you hurt”? That’s pretty clear. I’m sure children pick up on that. Is the sarcasm coming through here? Spanking interferes with the development of trust and good communication, and prevents children from learning how to resolve conflict effectively. Fear is not an effective parenting tool. Don’t ever confuse fear with respect. It’s interesting how some parents claim to follow a “controlled spank” with a quick hug. Interesting. So, I hurt you, but I love you. Now that’s a mixed message every child can comprehend.

Corporal punishment is not an effective long-term solution. Ask my mother. Spanking rarely brings about an end to the misbehavior. Or maybe it does work, and the behavior is temporarily stopped. What is the cost down the road? Does anybody think that angry teenagers just wake up one morning and decide to be angry? We are shaped by our environment, and our interactions within that environment. Few people have the impact of a parent on the development of a child.

Many parents repeat the methods they learned as children. It’s difficult to break out of a cycle of punishment if you never learned alternative methods. I think that we forget who we were as children as we age. I have a friend who dealt with many forms of punishment that you won’t see on 7th Heaven any time soon. I always thought that if anybody broke the cycle, he would be the one. But all of these years later, he has decided that he didn’t turn out so bad, so maybe it worked. He hasn’t learned, he has only forgotten, and in doing so he will repeat his own history. As adults, we either learn from the mistakes of our parents, or we become our parents.

This argument doesn’t seek to provide solutions or detail specific alternatives. I don’t need to have devised the new plan for racial harmony to know that racism is wrong. I just know. Discipline requires a great deal of patience. The causes of misbehavior must be investigated, rather than simply punishing the results. Prevention is the key. For the parent, it means an investment of time and energy working towards doing what is right, rather than what is easy.