Corporal punishment
I don’t believe in corporal punishment. But I haven’t arrived at that belief without thought. Especially since I come from a long line of believers.
Studies have shown that spanking leads to a drastic increase in hostility, aggression, and overall misbehavior. It teaches the lesson that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems. Spanking is often caused by frustration or rage, and it fails to teach children alternative forms of behavior. What lesson do you hope to impart? “I hurt you because I don’t want you hurt?”
Spanking interferes with the development of trust and good communication, and prevents children from learning how to resolve conflict effectively. Fear is not an effective parenting tool. Don’t confuse fear with respect. Some parents claim to follow a “controlled spank” with a quick hug. Interesting. So, I hurt you, but I love you. Now that’s a mixed message every child can comprehend.
Corporal punishment is not an effective long-term solution. Ask my mother. Spanking rarely brings about an end to misbehavior. Or maybe it does work, and the behavior is temporarily stopped. What is the cost down the road? Does anybody think that angry teenagers just wake up one morning and decide to be angry? Human beings are shaped by their environment, and interactions within that environment. Few people have the impact of a parent on the development of a child.
Some people like to say, “I was spanked and I turned out okay.” The “I rule”. If I went through something, and I turned out okay, then I must be the norm. Right? Of course. Pay no attention to studies, surveys, reports, etc. It doesn’t matter that the American Academy of Pediatrics opposes corporal punishment. I am okay.
Many parents repeat the methods they learned as children. It’s difficult to break out of a cycle of punishment if you never learned alternative methods. I think that we forget who we were as children as we age. As adults, we either learn from the mistakes of our parents, or we become our parents.
There are no perfect solutions. Discipline requires a great deal of patience. The causes of misbehavior must be investigated, rather than simply punishing the results. Prevention is the key. For the parent, it means an investment of time and energy working towards doing what is right, rather than what is easy.